Wow! I think its been a week since I've written anything substantial...My voices and inner critic say, "Bad me." But it is with love that I now embrace this statement. So instead of feeling chastised, I smile.
The words in Days Away in My Poems pretty well sum up the way that it happens, that intention slips away. It slides down a slope and lays hidden behind a bush, never really very far gone, but out of sight and out of reach, none-the-less.
I never like to admit that I have another job, or I really should say A Job, work that pays the bills, but I do. It's a pretty "good job"...I'll tell you about it someday, but that's not what this is about. You see, last week the job got pretty intense. The job had me feeling like I was in front of a firing squad, with everything coming toward me at lightening speed, and yet as the demands flew by, they all grazed the surface and took little pieces of me away, triumphantly, as they connected. Their little explosions frayed my nerves, fractured my soul, left me adrift.
For the second, or third, time in a week, friends or colleagues looked at me, concerned. "What's going on?" "You look really tired!!!" (you know that you look bad when they emphasize really!!) and one even went to my boss, supporting my need for a nice, long break.
Ha! Work wasn't going away. My responsibilities at home weren't going away. My cries for help, well, let's just say that they weren't exactly taken seriously. So, what did I do?
First, I set aside this work. Work that makes me smile, that I could do easily, endlessly...really, work is NOT the right word. But trying to do it all, to fit it in, left me torn.
Second, I took a good look at the reasons why I was so upset, so distraught. There are those who don't have this, but I have a need to understand why, before I can let it go, before I can move on.
Third, as soon as I could, I took some time for myself. For me, it was the weekend. And I guess that it wasn't really for myself (kids, pets...that's another story). But I didn't let this work, or my other work, pull at me. I set it aside. I mentally escaped. I also scheduled some extra time off in the very near future.
Fourth, I tackled the things that were the most important on my list. As Brian Tracy says, I ate the biggest, ugliest frog first. From my other job, the stressful one, I attacked the most urgent must do's, and got them out of the way.
And suddenly I realized that a week has passed and trying to see the work that I wanted to do in that time is like trying to grasp a handful of water. It's not intangible. But, in spite of that, its OK. I had to address the things that I did, in my time away from here. May be I had to go through the exhaustion and frustration that I felt. May be its part of living each day, with a goal for where I want to be and knowing that no matter what happens, its not about the things that I can't do....but what I can!!
Have a happy day!
BJ
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