Honor Their Voices

Who are the they? Oh you know who they are.  They are your mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, friends, loved ones, and yes, your enemies.  They are anyone who isn't you.

Why do we think that we have to solve things?  Solve the problem?  Make it better?  Make it right?  We don't, you know.  Sometimes, our "others" just need an ear to listen to them.  And the bad part is, sometimes they don't even know it.

Is this scenario familiar?  A friend comes to your door, pained expression on his/her face, just dying to talk.  They want to spill their literal bowels all over your desk, chair, kitchen counter...and if you are anything like me, we usually let them.  After all, I'm not uncaring or heartless and I'm willing to bet, neither are you!

But if you are listening, I mean really listening...not the times when you nod your head and say "uh-huh" and "oh no!" at the appropriate points where they breathe, but really give them your attention and listen.  Well, are you?  Really?

Most of us hear the first 2 minutes and begin to formulate a plan, a response, to take their pain away.  We want to give some kind words and a strategy that will help them relieve what ails them.  We are no more comfortable with their pain then we are our own. 

But did you ever stop to really hear what they are saying?  Did you ask them about their pain?  Did you honor their voice?  Or instead, did you listen to it through the filter of your own?  Judging their pain by how you would feel in the situation.

I went through the death of my mother, caring for her in the last weeks, and yet when a friend went through a similar situation, I could only visit it from the filter that had been my experience.  I didn't stop to listen to her and honor her voice, her story at all. 

I go through my life saying that I am SO busy...and I am, but then I also complain about the lack of connections that I feel with my friends, my loved ones.  If I think about it, it isn't any wonder.  I usually never slow down enough to honor their voices, quiet mine, and be their for them.  Honoring the voice of another makes us insignificant.  It makes us invisible.  And yet, it gives us the ultimate power of being their to support and connect, when and where others need it most, on their terms, through their voice.