Who are the they? Oh you know who they are. They are your mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, friends, loved ones, and yes, your enemies. They are anyone who isn't you.
Why do we think that we have to solve things? Solve the problem? Make it better? Make it right? We don't, you know. Sometimes, our "others" just need an ear to listen to them. And the bad part is, sometimes they don't even know it.
Is this scenario familiar? A friend comes to your door, pained expression on his/her face, just dying to talk. They want to spill their literal bowels all over your desk, chair, kitchen counter...and if you are anything like me, we usually let them. After all, I'm not uncaring or heartless and I'm willing to bet, neither are you!
But if you are listening, I mean really listening...not the times when you nod your head and say "uh-huh" and "oh no!" at the appropriate points where they breathe, but really give them your attention and listen. Well, are you? Really?
Most of us hear the first 2 minutes and begin to formulate a plan, a response, to take their pain away. We want to give some kind words and a strategy that will help them relieve what ails them. We are no more comfortable with their pain then we are our own.
But did you ever stop to really hear what they are saying? Did you ask them about their pain? Did you honor their voice? Or instead, did you listen to it through the filter of your own? Judging their pain by how you would feel in the situation.
I went through the death of my mother, caring for her in the last weeks, and yet when a friend went through a similar situation, I could only visit it from the filter that had been my experience. I didn't stop to listen to her and honor her voice, her story at all.
I go through my life saying that I am SO busy...and I am, but then I also complain about the lack of connections that I feel with my friends, my loved ones. If I think about it, it isn't any wonder. I usually never slow down enough to honor their voices, quiet mine, and be their for them. Honoring the voice of another makes us insignificant. It makes us invisible. And yet, it gives us the ultimate power of being their to support and connect, when and where others need it most, on their terms, through their voice.
Friday, October 11, 2013
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
What's Holding You Back?
FEAR!
There, I said it. I put it out there first and foremost. It is fear of the unknown that keeps most of us in place. It is fear of what others will say. It is fear of looking around and finding ourselves alone. It is the fear that in the end, we will give it our best shot and we will end up being laughed at, and alone.
Do you know how many people are doing things they don't want to do, every day? Are you? Think about it. How many times during the day do you say to yourself, "I don't really want to do that, BUT....I have to, I need to, I'm obligated to, I made a promise, I'm responsible for, they'll think I'm stupid, he/she won't like me..." and the list goes on. I'm not immune. I've done this myself. But why? What sense of commitment to something other than our self, our true self, is driving our actions, like a little devil on our shoulder prompting us to do things that we don't want to do? Where did it start? Why? May be it matters, but may be it just doesn't.
A number of years ago, Oprah published a little booklet along with her magazine. At that time, it was the best of, "What I Know For Sure". One of the segments mentions how Oprah was overwhelmed and over committed and a friend said to her, "Then change it." Of course, the sense of ego and obligation spoke first, arguing that this couldn't be done. To which the friend answered, "If you can't change it, then who can?"
Are you responsible to yourself? To making yourself happy? We look around and often label those who are as selfish, self absorbed, even narcissistic. We judge and criticize. We find fault. Why? Is it because we don't have the nerve to do it ourselves? Is it because we want them to fit our image or our mold for what we think is good and the way to live our life? Probably. We often criticize what we don't know, what we don't understand. We are often small minded, trying to recreate the world as we think it should be.
Two days ago, I went through skin cancer surgery on my face. I went into it blind, not realizing the impact it would have on how I look. Probably not the best move I've ever made, but that's how it was. The first day, I was devastated. Having left a long relationship that was both physically and mentally abusive in the past year, I dream of having a relationship with someone that is...what I think relationships should be. Initially, I was sure that this surgery would stop that from ever happening.
By day two, I was over my self pity and explained to a friend and colleague that I thought the surgery and the scar would be liberating. That anyone would have to like me, for me, and not care about the scar that will result. What is liberating can also become a wall that I hide behind though. I have to make sure that I don't use it as an excuse..."he/she just didn't like the way I look, the fact that my face is scarred."
But in response to my comment, my friend looked straight into my eyes and said, "I would think that at this point in your life, you should be concerned about your career and your security (trying to save for retirement." Talk about a slap in the face. Talk about opening my eyes!
I wasn't offended by her comment. In fact, I knew that she was not judging me. But as I quietly agreed with her, I realized what that quiet voice was saying, and realized that it was a lie. That my inability to speak my truth, in the face of those who see life differently, that is what's holding me back.
I have gone through the past 30 years moving my career forward by looking for opportunities and trying the next best thing that might move me forward. What I find as a result is that I'm now 30 years away from the place that I ever wanted to be. I'm not saying that it was all bad. But I've taken more steps forward for the right reason, and then fell back in place because the pressure around me was so intense and I did not stand up to it.
Her comment made me realize that she doesn't really know who I am. May be that is why I long for connection. If I've only tried to echo what surrounds me, then I'm not using my voice, to accept what might be echoed back.
So, what's holding me back? May be its the same thing that's you back? May be its time to jump in and trust that I know how to swim...because I'm tired treading water, and it surely isn't getting me where I want to be.
There, I said it. I put it out there first and foremost. It is fear of the unknown that keeps most of us in place. It is fear of what others will say. It is fear of looking around and finding ourselves alone. It is the fear that in the end, we will give it our best shot and we will end up being laughed at, and alone.
Do you know how many people are doing things they don't want to do, every day? Are you? Think about it. How many times during the day do you say to yourself, "I don't really want to do that, BUT....I have to, I need to, I'm obligated to, I made a promise, I'm responsible for, they'll think I'm stupid, he/she won't like me..." and the list goes on. I'm not immune. I've done this myself. But why? What sense of commitment to something other than our self, our true self, is driving our actions, like a little devil on our shoulder prompting us to do things that we don't want to do? Where did it start? Why? May be it matters, but may be it just doesn't.
A number of years ago, Oprah published a little booklet along with her magazine. At that time, it was the best of, "What I Know For Sure". One of the segments mentions how Oprah was overwhelmed and over committed and a friend said to her, "Then change it." Of course, the sense of ego and obligation spoke first, arguing that this couldn't be done. To which the friend answered, "If you can't change it, then who can?"
Are you responsible to yourself? To making yourself happy? We look around and often label those who are as selfish, self absorbed, even narcissistic. We judge and criticize. We find fault. Why? Is it because we don't have the nerve to do it ourselves? Is it because we want them to fit our image or our mold for what we think is good and the way to live our life? Probably. We often criticize what we don't know, what we don't understand. We are often small minded, trying to recreate the world as we think it should be.
Two days ago, I went through skin cancer surgery on my face. I went into it blind, not realizing the impact it would have on how I look. Probably not the best move I've ever made, but that's how it was. The first day, I was devastated. Having left a long relationship that was both physically and mentally abusive in the past year, I dream of having a relationship with someone that is...what I think relationships should be. Initially, I was sure that this surgery would stop that from ever happening.
By day two, I was over my self pity and explained to a friend and colleague that I thought the surgery and the scar would be liberating. That anyone would have to like me, for me, and not care about the scar that will result. What is liberating can also become a wall that I hide behind though. I have to make sure that I don't use it as an excuse..."he/she just didn't like the way I look, the fact that my face is scarred."
But in response to my comment, my friend looked straight into my eyes and said, "I would think that at this point in your life, you should be concerned about your career and your security (trying to save for retirement." Talk about a slap in the face. Talk about opening my eyes!
I wasn't offended by her comment. In fact, I knew that she was not judging me. But as I quietly agreed with her, I realized what that quiet voice was saying, and realized that it was a lie. That my inability to speak my truth, in the face of those who see life differently, that is what's holding me back.
I have gone through the past 30 years moving my career forward by looking for opportunities and trying the next best thing that might move me forward. What I find as a result is that I'm now 30 years away from the place that I ever wanted to be. I'm not saying that it was all bad. But I've taken more steps forward for the right reason, and then fell back in place because the pressure around me was so intense and I did not stand up to it.
Her comment made me realize that she doesn't really know who I am. May be that is why I long for connection. If I've only tried to echo what surrounds me, then I'm not using my voice, to accept what might be echoed back.
So, what's holding me back? May be its the same thing that's you back? May be its time to jump in and trust that I know how to swim...because I'm tired treading water, and it surely isn't getting me where I want to be.
Sunday, September 8, 2013
I think that I'm caught in the middle of Epistemologies
Epistemology is the science of knowledge or how we look at things. What are the lenses that we use to filter what we see, and what we know?
I was working on goal setting today and found myself in the middle of two perspectives. From one, I was looking at where I am now, and setting goals for what I could accomplish in the next 7 days. From this perspective, I was very much following Kuhn's approach to scientific revolutions. I am trying to move forward, with no apparent path or destination in mind. I am just trying to move from where I am and hope that one day, my perspective will shift drastically. Hmmm. I know what it feels like to take this route, but I'm not sure that it will get me to where I need to be. I guess that I could trust in the universe, but I have never felt that my destiny should be completely out of my hands either.
The other approach that I used was to employ all my teacher training and to set the goal with the end in mind. Where do I want to be, and what are the steps that I need to take to get there? In some sense, its very behaviorist. May be, its why I cringe when I try to do this. I've never been a check the box and live within the guidelines kind of person. In fact, whenever I try to be this way, I become quite bored and frustrated.
So, what is the answer? I don't know. May be to do a little of both!!
Here's my plan for tomorrow:
- Visualize and define the big picture. Stop thinking logically, but imagine where I would love to be, if I could just set myself down somewhere.
- Then I can think about all the things that I will think, do, see, feel, etc., when I am in this next perfect situation.
- Then I can make shorter term plans to take me towards them. Probably 3 months and 1 week.
I don't feel that I am good at defining the process of working toward goals. I don't know what happens, but when I try to be too precise, usually something gets in the way. But when I set my mind to the goal and trust that it will happen, it generally does.
Does it make me feel uneasy? Sometimes. The down side is that I spend a lot of time feeling like I'm just hanging on and barely getting by. I would like to have a greater sense of accomplishment than that. The upside is that I don't spend a lot of time feeling like I'm trying to decide the exact right thing to do for my plan. I know where I want to go and trust myself to make the decision and do it. I accomplished my PhD this way, and in the time frame that I initially set for myself. And even though I've always downplayed this to others, I think it was a pretty good accomplishment!
So, which way do I go? How do I know? I don't think it matters. Because as long as I'm taking my next action and not just thinking about it, then I'm on my way somewhere!
I was working on goal setting today and found myself in the middle of two perspectives. From one, I was looking at where I am now, and setting goals for what I could accomplish in the next 7 days. From this perspective, I was very much following Kuhn's approach to scientific revolutions. I am trying to move forward, with no apparent path or destination in mind. I am just trying to move from where I am and hope that one day, my perspective will shift drastically. Hmmm. I know what it feels like to take this route, but I'm not sure that it will get me to where I need to be. I guess that I could trust in the universe, but I have never felt that my destiny should be completely out of my hands either.
The other approach that I used was to employ all my teacher training and to set the goal with the end in mind. Where do I want to be, and what are the steps that I need to take to get there? In some sense, its very behaviorist. May be, its why I cringe when I try to do this. I've never been a check the box and live within the guidelines kind of person. In fact, whenever I try to be this way, I become quite bored and frustrated.
So, what is the answer? I don't know. May be to do a little of both!!
Here's my plan for tomorrow:
- Visualize and define the big picture. Stop thinking logically, but imagine where I would love to be, if I could just set myself down somewhere.
- Then I can think about all the things that I will think, do, see, feel, etc., when I am in this next perfect situation.
- Then I can make shorter term plans to take me towards them. Probably 3 months and 1 week.
I don't feel that I am good at defining the process of working toward goals. I don't know what happens, but when I try to be too precise, usually something gets in the way. But when I set my mind to the goal and trust that it will happen, it generally does.
Does it make me feel uneasy? Sometimes. The down side is that I spend a lot of time feeling like I'm just hanging on and barely getting by. I would like to have a greater sense of accomplishment than that. The upside is that I don't spend a lot of time feeling like I'm trying to decide the exact right thing to do for my plan. I know where I want to go and trust myself to make the decision and do it. I accomplished my PhD this way, and in the time frame that I initially set for myself. And even though I've always downplayed this to others, I think it was a pretty good accomplishment!
So, which way do I go? How do I know? I don't think it matters. Because as long as I'm taking my next action and not just thinking about it, then I'm on my way somewhere!
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Today I Just Couldn't Eat the Frog!
You know, eat the biggest frog first! After the big, ugly one is gone, then its all down hill from there.
I kept trying to eat the frog today. I kept trying to work on the biggest project(s). But I just couldn't do it. I just couldn't focus. So instead, I finally gave in and attacked the things that were swirling on my to-do list and in my head.
These weren't the biggest tasks, they weren't the most important tasks, but by doing this, I was able to check several tasks off my list.
Here's the benefit - by checking off the things that I could, it gave me a feeling of accomplishment. It got my endorphins going. And, it cleared my head. They cleared a path so that I was finally able to see one of the frogs, get my hands around him, and begin to strangle him! Eating some of those frogs, after all!!
I kept trying to eat the frog today. I kept trying to work on the biggest project(s). But I just couldn't do it. I just couldn't focus. So instead, I finally gave in and attacked the things that were swirling on my to-do list and in my head.
These weren't the biggest tasks, they weren't the most important tasks, but by doing this, I was able to check several tasks off my list.
Here's the benefit - by checking off the things that I could, it gave me a feeling of accomplishment. It got my endorphins going. And, it cleared my head. They cleared a path so that I was finally able to see one of the frogs, get my hands around him, and begin to strangle him! Eating some of those frogs, after all!!
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Time to Live the Transformation!
Thank you Craig Ballyntine and Turbulence Training!
Today I realized there are only 120 days until the end of the year.
Thinking of what my life will be life in that short time, I had to ask myself, where will I be? Will I still have the same goals that I have today? Will my life look the same? I honestly hope not. Don't get me wrong, my current life isn't bad, but its also not the life of my dreams. So I hope that I will have made progress toward my goals at the end of the next 120 days...and have plans to continue growing forward.
So today, I added a new tab, My Transformation. There, I will post my progress toward my transformation. Part of this is entering the 18th Turbulence Training Transformation contest.
I've come a long way in the past year a half, and have a long way that I still plan to go. Keep track of my, and my progress here.
Today I realized there are only 120 days until the end of the year.
Thinking of what my life will be life in that short time, I had to ask myself, where will I be? Will I still have the same goals that I have today? Will my life look the same? I honestly hope not. Don't get me wrong, my current life isn't bad, but its also not the life of my dreams. So I hope that I will have made progress toward my goals at the end of the next 120 days...and have plans to continue growing forward.
So today, I added a new tab, My Transformation. There, I will post my progress toward my transformation. Part of this is entering the 18th Turbulence Training Transformation contest.
I've come a long way in the past year a half, and have a long way that I still plan to go. Keep track of my, and my progress here.
Thursday, August 22, 2013
In the Eye of the Hurricane, I Can Learn Something
This week, in my life, is crazy! In my "job that pays the bills" it is a very busy time. It is the week before fall classes begin and everyone and everything is a flurry of activity. At times, all of this activity comes together, swirls and swarms, like we are in the midst of a violent storm. It is very easy to get overwhelmed when this happens! But this year, unlike those previous, I have been able to take learn something...
- Take the time, when you can grab it, to breathe
- I'm in the middle of a multi-tasking nightmare. I take work calls before I take my daughter to school. I check email before my drive to work. I make follow-up calls on the drive rather than wait until arriving at the office to reply. I leave one meeting to go to another and then return to the first. I...can't...get...a...second. But wait, I can. I can STOP the building avalanche of anxiety and activity. I can take 2 minutes, I can take 5 minutes, and I can close my eyes and breathe. Initially, this time seems selfish, causing more anxiety. But if I stop, and take this time, it doesn't derail the train, but it does keep it from gaining steam.
- Figure out what you can do, and do it
- There are some things, that I can do easily and quickly. I do them. There are other things that I can create a plan and begin to follow through on the actions that I need to take to accomplish the plan. I may not be able to finish every step because of time and other obligation constraints but if I am moving forward, I am doing something. Something positive!
- Don't beat yourself up over what you can't possibly do
- For me, this is new. In fact, all of this is new. My previous pre-semester habits were to build myself into a frenzy, along with the activities around me. To acknowledge everything I was doing, I'd talk about it, or think about it...over and over. In turn, this would create anxiety and build stress as I beat myself up more and more over all the things that I "should be doing" and couldn't. ...so this year, I'm letting it go. I'm doing what I can, taking some time, and reassuring myself that I'm doing my best. I'm loving myself through it.
- Find options
- So, what about all those things that I can't get to? What do I do? One thing, I'm learning to delegate, and delegate without guilt. Giving the task to someone else and giving up the feeling that I need to control how they do it. I'm getting more off my plate, and it feels good. Its funny, the plate still fills quickly, but I'm dealing with it better. I'm also recognizing that I can't make everyone satisfied at the level they might like, but that isn't about me. And finally, for the things that I know that won't fit into this week, I'm putting them off until I can give them my attention. Through these things, I'm creating emotional time to breathe.
- Enjoy the time, because it is finite and will change
- I know that this time is traditionally my busiest time of the year. There is a lot about this time of year that I absolutely love. There is excitement about a new year, a new beginning. And I know that this time, this excitement, this business, will not last. It will move into other times, it always does. And so I'm enjoying what I can and know that it is finite and just as a hurricane does, it will move on. I just have to make sure that I've prepared and don't let the storm leave destruction as it passes...instead, I am trying to enjoy the beauty of the storm, while it is here.
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
How I've Lived My Life
It's not about can't is how I've lived my life. What CAN I do to move my life forward to a better place? What CAN I do to feel more alive? So although I lived with verbal and physical abuse and although my decisions were primarily made putting others in front of myself, I was still reacting to the question, "What CAN I do?"
Even though there were a lot of should dos, have to dos, or can't dos...there were also a lot of things that I could do.
I love new beginnings! New hope, new promises, new direction, new opportunities! It is the excitement and promise of what might be, that has kept me hopefull through what was. Unfortunately, it also kept me from facing and moving past it.
I have a place that is calling me, I just haven't found it yet. I have a space where I'm meant to be free, meant to be happy. That place might be here but if it is, I haven't found it yet.
I believe that if I feel that place, find that place, it will show my children that you can always grow. It will show them that you don't have to settle where you are, if it doesn't give you room to bloom.
Even though there were a lot of should dos, have to dos, or can't dos...there were also a lot of things that I could do.
I love new beginnings! New hope, new promises, new direction, new opportunities! It is the excitement and promise of what might be, that has kept me hopefull through what was. Unfortunately, it also kept me from facing and moving past it.
I have a place that is calling me, I just haven't found it yet. I have a space where I'm meant to be free, meant to be happy. That place might be here but if it is, I haven't found it yet.
I believe that if I feel that place, find that place, it will show my children that you can always grow. It will show them that you don't have to settle where you are, if it doesn't give you room to bloom.
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Give Yourself Permission to be Imperfect
Today, I'm going to know that whatever I do, is the best that I can do, and I'm releasing myself from my expectations of perfection, or the expectations of others.
Today, I'm going to love myself without any drama.
In My Stories, I just wrote about my problems with my pets. And in the writing, I had an underlying theme or feeling that, I should be doing better. In doing this, I am telling myself that I'm not doing things right, I'm not good enough.
Well this morning, I AM good enough. There may be things that I could be better at, there may be things that I could do differently, but sitting here, with four of my pets all sleeping within five feet of me, I can smile, and release myself from any negative emotion I had when I went through my morning ritual. They want to be near me, they feel loved.
So this morning, I don't have to be perfect. My good intentions are enough.
Today, I'm going to love myself without any drama.
In My Stories, I just wrote about my problems with my pets. And in the writing, I had an underlying theme or feeling that, I should be doing better. In doing this, I am telling myself that I'm not doing things right, I'm not good enough.
Well this morning, I AM good enough. There may be things that I could be better at, there may be things that I could do differently, but sitting here, with four of my pets all sleeping within five feet of me, I can smile, and release myself from any negative emotion I had when I went through my morning ritual. They want to be near me, they feel loved.
So this morning, I don't have to be perfect. My good intentions are enough.
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
It Slips Away so Easily, but (today) It's OK
Wow! I think its been a week since I've written anything substantial...My voices and inner critic say, "Bad me." But it is with love that I now embrace this statement. So instead of feeling chastised, I smile.
The words in Days Away in My Poems pretty well sum up the way that it happens, that intention slips away. It slides down a slope and lays hidden behind a bush, never really very far gone, but out of sight and out of reach, none-the-less.
I never like to admit that I have another job, or I really should say A Job, work that pays the bills, but I do. It's a pretty "good job"...I'll tell you about it someday, but that's not what this is about. You see, last week the job got pretty intense. The job had me feeling like I was in front of a firing squad, with everything coming toward me at lightening speed, and yet as the demands flew by, they all grazed the surface and took little pieces of me away, triumphantly, as they connected. Their little explosions frayed my nerves, fractured my soul, left me adrift.
For the second, or third, time in a week, friends or colleagues looked at me, concerned. "What's going on?" "You look really tired!!!" (you know that you look bad when they emphasize really!!) and one even went to my boss, supporting my need for a nice, long break.
Ha! Work wasn't going away. My responsibilities at home weren't going away. My cries for help, well, let's just say that they weren't exactly taken seriously. So, what did I do?
First, I set aside this work. Work that makes me smile, that I could do easily, endlessly...really, work is NOT the right word. But trying to do it all, to fit it in, left me torn.
Second, I took a good look at the reasons why I was so upset, so distraught. There are those who don't have this, but I have a need to understand why, before I can let it go, before I can move on.
Third, as soon as I could, I took some time for myself. For me, it was the weekend. And I guess that it wasn't really for myself (kids, pets...that's another story). But I didn't let this work, or my other work, pull at me. I set it aside. I mentally escaped. I also scheduled some extra time off in the very near future.
Fourth, I tackled the things that were the most important on my list. As Brian Tracy says, I ate the biggest, ugliest frog first. From my other job, the stressful one, I attacked the most urgent must do's, and got them out of the way.
And suddenly I realized that a week has passed and trying to see the work that I wanted to do in that time is like trying to grasp a handful of water. It's not intangible. But, in spite of that, its OK. I had to address the things that I did, in my time away from here. May be I had to go through the exhaustion and frustration that I felt. May be its part of living each day, with a goal for where I want to be and knowing that no matter what happens, its not about the things that I can't do....but what I can!!
Have a happy day!
BJ
The words in Days Away in My Poems pretty well sum up the way that it happens, that intention slips away. It slides down a slope and lays hidden behind a bush, never really very far gone, but out of sight and out of reach, none-the-less.
I never like to admit that I have another job, or I really should say A Job, work that pays the bills, but I do. It's a pretty "good job"...I'll tell you about it someday, but that's not what this is about. You see, last week the job got pretty intense. The job had me feeling like I was in front of a firing squad, with everything coming toward me at lightening speed, and yet as the demands flew by, they all grazed the surface and took little pieces of me away, triumphantly, as they connected. Their little explosions frayed my nerves, fractured my soul, left me adrift.
For the second, or third, time in a week, friends or colleagues looked at me, concerned. "What's going on?" "You look really tired!!!" (you know that you look bad when they emphasize really!!) and one even went to my boss, supporting my need for a nice, long break.
Ha! Work wasn't going away. My responsibilities at home weren't going away. My cries for help, well, let's just say that they weren't exactly taken seriously. So, what did I do?
First, I set aside this work. Work that makes me smile, that I could do easily, endlessly...really, work is NOT the right word. But trying to do it all, to fit it in, left me torn.
Second, I took a good look at the reasons why I was so upset, so distraught. There are those who don't have this, but I have a need to understand why, before I can let it go, before I can move on.
Third, as soon as I could, I took some time for myself. For me, it was the weekend. And I guess that it wasn't really for myself (kids, pets...that's another story). But I didn't let this work, or my other work, pull at me. I set it aside. I mentally escaped. I also scheduled some extra time off in the very near future.
Fourth, I tackled the things that were the most important on my list. As Brian Tracy says, I ate the biggest, ugliest frog first. From my other job, the stressful one, I attacked the most urgent must do's, and got them out of the way.
And suddenly I realized that a week has passed and trying to see the work that I wanted to do in that time is like trying to grasp a handful of water. It's not intangible. But, in spite of that, its OK. I had to address the things that I did, in my time away from here. May be I had to go through the exhaustion and frustration that I felt. May be its part of living each day, with a goal for where I want to be and knowing that no matter what happens, its not about the things that I can't do....but what I can!!
Have a happy day!
BJ
Monday, July 29, 2013
What I'm Thinking About Today
When I wake up and think about the day to come with positive intention and purpose, I put myself into the right frame of mind to easily move forward. I don't have to have great plans, but in my mind, I can see the pieces of my day being easy and possible. I can search for one or two routine events that I can envision having a positive outcome. When I can do this, I know that its time to move forward and begin my day.
By contrast, if I wake up and begin to dread all the things that I will be facing and think about all of the problems that I am going to have, it puts me into a negative mindset. It creates a dread and a mindset that says, I don't want to do this, or this, or this...I don't want to face any part of my day to come. When I am expecting only the negative things, I don't see the positive, even when they happen. Why would I want to set up my day like that?
So remember, its not about what you can't do today, but rather what you CAN do! Take a minute to think about what might be possible. Get positive. It just might happen!
In Step Out, I encourage you to ask yourself why you are feeling or acting a certain way, to get to the bottom of your motivation for your actions.
Words of Wisdom has a simple quote that I heard recently on a web workshop. It made so much sense!
In My Stories, I begin to let you see a little more about me, where I admit that I have allowed myself to be a victim.
And of course, I've added a couple more poems.
I hope you enjoy!
Wishes and dreams!
BJ
By contrast, if I wake up and begin to dread all the things that I will be facing and think about all of the problems that I am going to have, it puts me into a negative mindset. It creates a dread and a mindset that says, I don't want to do this, or this, or this...I don't want to face any part of my day to come. When I am expecting only the negative things, I don't see the positive, even when they happen. Why would I want to set up my day like that?
So remember, its not about what you can't do today, but rather what you CAN do! Take a minute to think about what might be possible. Get positive. It just might happen!
In Step Out, I encourage you to ask yourself why you are feeling or acting a certain way, to get to the bottom of your motivation for your actions.
Words of Wisdom has a simple quote that I heard recently on a web workshop. It made so much sense!
In My Stories, I begin to let you see a little more about me, where I admit that I have allowed myself to be a victim.
And of course, I've added a couple more poems.
I hope you enjoy!
Wishes and dreams!
BJ
Friday, July 26, 2013
What's New Today
In Step Out... I ask you to try one thing, SMILE
In Words of Wisdom there is something to think about from Eugene O'Neill
and
In My Poems, is a new post, "When I Find"
I hope you enjoy!
BJ
In Words of Wisdom there is something to think about from Eugene O'Neill
and
In My Poems, is a new post, "When I Find"
I hope you enjoy!
BJ
Monday, July 22, 2013
Getting Started on a Mission
About a week ago, Cory Monteith died. His death was senseless, needless, an overdose. I did not really know his work nor watch Glee, but I was touched by the numerous tributes his life inspired. One of the tributes was a tweet by Richard Branson where he noted Cory's efforts to end homelessness. It was in that moment, that the purpose for this site became clear. It was in that moment that my purpose, my mission, became clear. I want to end hopelessness. How can someone who is loved by so many, be so hopeless that he becomes self destructive?
Purpose
This is not just about the extremes of hopelessness, the things that result in self sabotage and self destruction. Its also about the little, everyday challenges. The voices inside our heads that make us question our ability, question our worth, tell us that we can't...
And, it's not about the can't...it's about getting over the can't...getting past the can't. It's about not being a victim. It's about taking a step, no matter how small, because every small step can put us on the path to grand possibilities.
Pages
I've separated this site as follows:
I am Barbara Jane, its my first and middle name. Whenever I think of my name, my inner voice says it very fast and with a southern accent, which is funny because my parents were from Pittsburgh and didn't have any trace of southern accents, except when my mother said red, but that's another story. I choose to use my first two names because this is who I am...last names can change. You'll learn more about me in My Stories because I just can't fit it all in here.
Disclaimer
I will give credit to those I take ideas from, unless there is a reason for them to be anonymous, but otherwise, the words are my own. If you know me and "hear" yourself in one of my stories but remember events differently, that's life...start your own blog...these are my stories.
Purpose
This is not just about the extremes of hopelessness, the things that result in self sabotage and self destruction. Its also about the little, everyday challenges. The voices inside our heads that make us question our ability, question our worth, tell us that we can't...
And, it's not about the can't...it's about getting over the can't...getting past the can't. It's about not being a victim. It's about taking a step, no matter how small, because every small step can put us on the path to grand possibilities.
Pages
I've separated this site as follows:
- Step out... - Stories, tips and tricks to help you move forward
- Words of Wisdom - Some pretty good quotes
- My Stories - I needed a place for these
- My Poems
I am Barbara Jane, its my first and middle name. Whenever I think of my name, my inner voice says it very fast and with a southern accent, which is funny because my parents were from Pittsburgh and didn't have any trace of southern accents, except when my mother said red, but that's another story. I choose to use my first two names because this is who I am...last names can change. You'll learn more about me in My Stories because I just can't fit it all in here.
Disclaimer
I will give credit to those I take ideas from, unless there is a reason for them to be anonymous, but otherwise, the words are my own. If you know me and "hear" yourself in one of my stories but remember events differently, that's life...start your own blog...these are my stories.
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